Bottom 10: Reflecting on the Season of Struggles
Inspirational thought of the week:
I’ve got plenty to be thankful for
I haven’t got a great big yacht
To sail from shore to shore
Still, I’ve got plenty to be thankful for
I’ve got plenty to be thankful for
No private car, no caviar
No carpet on my floor
Still, I’ve got plenty to be thankful for
I’ve got eyes to see with
Ears to hear with
Arms to hug with
Lips to kiss with
Someone to adore
How could anybody ask for more?
— “I’ve Got Plenty to Be Thankful For,” Bing Crosby
Here at Bottom 10 Headquarters, located behind the massive tank where Jen Lada stores our collective tears that run down our faces while watching her “College GameDay” features, we’re feeling reflective. With just one weekend left in the regular season, and thus in our Bottom 10 season, it’s time to look back on what has been a truly unforgettable year.
We’re thankful for a season that has brought us so much joy, laughter, and, yes, a little bit of pain. As Thanksgiving approaches, we’re reflecting on the moments that made this year special. From the chaos of midweek #MACtion to the dedication of our #Bottom10Nation of Eyewitness Reporters, it’s been a wild ride.
Let’s start with the #MACtion. Tuesday nights have been a rollercoaster of emotions, often interrupting family dinners. (“Dad, stop watching the Holy Toledo-Akronmonious game, I’m trying to tell you I’m failing math!”) But the chaos has also thrown off our Bottom 10 math because, let’s face it, we’re lazy and just want to file our rankings early and go to bed.
We’re also grateful for our loyal fans who check in from games every Saturday, even when they seem to be the only ones in the stands. Case in point:
Doing some #Bottom10 committee work for @ESPNMcGee as the Minute Rice Owls take on You A Bee. pic.twitter.com/6tU91FUSYL
— Scott Shinbaum (@Scoots71) November 23, 2024
And while the rest of the college football world has been consumed by debates over the College Football Playoff, we’ve been laser-focused on our Bottom 10 graduates. Teams like UNLV, Tulane, and Colorado have climbed out of the Bottom 10 and into the Top 25, proving that redemption is possible. Their success has us reflecting on our own lives. Are we doing enough to climb out of our own metaphorical Bottom 10?
With apologies to the Virginia Tech Fighting Gobblers, Concordia College’s Kernel the Cob, and Steve Harvey, here are the post-Week 13 Bottom 10 rankings:
1. State of Kent (0-12)
The Golden(plated) Flashes ended their season with a loss to the Buffalo Bulls Not Bills, becoming the first FBS team to go winless in a non-COVID season since 2019. That year, their archrival Akronmonious claimed the Bottom 10 title. Like Han Solo’s fate in “The Force Awakens,” this outcome was inevitable, and there’s nothing we can do about it now.
2. Southern Missed (1-10)
The Molden Eagles have had a rough go, losing their last two games by a combined score of 95-6. A 35-14 loss to South Alabama felt almost like a win. At least Brett Favre promised them a postgame meal from Paris—just don’t ask how he paid for it.
3. UMess (2-9)
The Minutemen lost to Georgia 59-21 but managed to cover the spread. Of course, that’s only because Georgia’s starters spent the second half in street clothes, napping on the bench.
4. Pur-don’t (1-10)
The Buttermakers are one of just three one-win teams left in FBS. They’ll close out their season against Indiana in the battle for the Old Oaken Bucket, or as Indiana coach Curt Cignetti calls it, the New Golden Cask.
5. Round the bowl and down the hole … (8-3)
Roll Tide Roll. Alabama lands in the Coveted Fifth Spot, and I’m confident in this pick—even though I’m heading to Tuscaloosa this weekend for “Marty & McGee.” At least I know Alabama superfan Legend will have my back.
6. Flori-duh State (2-9)
The Semi-No’s earned their second win of the season by defeating Charleston Southern 41-7. Meanwhile, their rival Florida Gators have turned things around, upsetting Ole Miss to become bowl-eligible.
7. FA(not I)U (2-9)
The coach-less Owls have lost to three teams that had recently fired their head coaches. Now they face Tulsa, which also just fired its coach. Note to aspiring coaches: avoid Boca Raton this Thanksgiving.
8. Kennesaw Landis Mountain State (2-9)
The Owls earned their second win of the season against FI(not A)U, right after losing to another two-win team. It’s been that kind of year.
9. UTEPid (2-9)
The Miners followed up their second win with a 56-0 loss to Tennessee. Their first win? Against FI(not A)U, of course.
10. FI(not A)U (3-8)
The Panthers have lost to Kennesaw, UTEP, and FA(not I)U but somehow rank behind all three. Strength of schedule? Eye test? Who knows?
Waiting list: Whew Mexico State, Miss Sus Hippie State, Temple of Doom, Living on Tulsa Time, WhyOMGing?, Muddled Tennessee State, not knowing when to storm a field.
Originally Written by: Ryan McGee
